The Top 10 Myths of Dating
Myth # 1 All the Good Guys Are Taken
Myth # 2 Dating Is Easy
I know guys who go on lots of dates, but they never seem to have any fun. Each date seems like a job interview and is as pleasurable as a root canal. Remember dating might not be easy, but it ought to be fun!
Myth # 3 Men Will Flock to Me for Dates
I know it’s humbling. But dating is not for divas.
Myth # 4 Everyone in a Relationship is Happy
Myth # 5 You have to Look Like Brad Pitt to Get a Date
Don’t let the beauty myth keep you stuck with low self-esteem and isolation. Allow yourself to discover men instead of limiting yourself to preconceived notions of your type.
Myth # 6 Older/Younger Relationships Don’t Work
However: if an affluent man has the desire to protect, take care of, and share his wealth with another man, and, on top of that, brings other attributes to the relationship besides his money, this, indeed, can form the basis for a healthy relationship. And is a man brings—besides his beauty—other qualities he can share with an older mate, that, certainly is okay too. As long as both are honest—with themselves and with each other—about what they’re doing.
Myth # 7 I Can’t Deal with Rejection
Myth # 8 Internet Matchmaking Services Don’t Work
Myth # 9 Dating Is Not Fun
Myth #10 Successful People Have an Easier Time Dating
Dating & Relationship Tips
What You Need Versus What You Want in a Boyfriend
Knowing what we want in a relationship and which of our needs must be met by it is an important development for any dating man. Without this knowledge, we are doomed to date men who will only cause us pain and grief.
I meet all sorts of men who—whether twenty-six, thirty-four, or forty-five –simply don’t know what they really want in a guy. A want is a strong desire; a need is a physiological or psychological requirement for our well-being. My thesis is that if you give gay men an opportunity to explore all of their wants, they can then winnow them down to basic needs or “requirements.”
You can do the Wants vs. Needs exercise in Boyfriend 101- a Gay Guy’s Guide to Dating, Romance, and Finding True Love.
Icebreakers For First Dates
While extending your right hand, say confidently and with a big warm smile: “Hi, I’m Michael!” Many men have told me that the TWI- the three word introduction—has jump-started very stimulating conversations.
“Excuse me, I’m Carlos. I just want to tell you what beautiful eyes you have.”
“I’m new to this organization. Have you been here before?”
“Great lap top. I’m looking to buy a new computer. Where did you get it?”
“I had a nice time talking with you. Here’s my number. Let’s do coffee next week.”
“I’ve been wanting to meet new people in this organization. What are you doing after the workshop?”
“Are you interested in dinner on Friday night?”
Expanding Your Social Network
Sometimes the tiniest action can produce astounding results, so think small at first. What is the one action you can take that jump-starts your social and love life? Remember there are folks out there dying to meet you. Get going!
Great Places to Meet Guys
2. Churches/Synagogues/Mosques/New Age retreats/conferences
3. Singles Nights
4. Cruise ships
5. Political organizations
6. Gyms/Health Clubs
7. Volunteer work
8. 12 Step Meetings
Online Profile Tips
- It’s all in the marketing. Get yourself out there to be seen. Play to your strengths. Emphasize attractive physical attributes, degrees earned, interesting hobbies (e.g. cooking, cycling), social activities (runners club, dancing) etc.
- Get a great photo. Photos should not be more than two years old.
- Don’t write your online profile when you’re tired or angry.
- Invest some money in Online matching sites but no more than you can afford.
- Here are words and phrases which may help you create magic in your ad: gentle soul, sexy suitor, hunky nerd, hard-core Quaker, idiosyncratic, sweet-not-sour, multi-tasker, two thumbs up!, kinky sex, kayak addict, yoga body…
Remember the one thing people love to talk about the most is themselves. You may be tempted to interrupt, or to stop his story with yours. Don’t. Put your tongue to the roof of your mouth and count to ten before you say a word. Let your date wax eloquent.
Keep your energy up on a date. You’re not looking for perky/phony excitement, but the ability to carry on an animated and interesting conversation. If your date asks you about previous relationships, just give him the facts, not all the details. “ I was in a six-year relationship which ended two years ago.” There is no reason to explain how it ended. If your date asks what happened, for now you can simply say, “It was time to move on.”
Watch your wandering eye during a date. If you’re at a café and see other attractive men from the corner of your eye, keep the focus on your date, no matter how attractive the guys at the next table are. It is rude to comment on the good looks of other men in these circumstances. You’re on a date! For this brief time—if not forever after!—this man needs to be numero uno.
Discussing HIV and Negotiating Safer Sex
“Before we have sex, I hope we can discuss safer sex practices.”
“Can we discuss HIV status?”
“I’m going to bring some condoms the next time we meet.”
“When’s the last time you’ve been tested? I was tested last month.”
“I want to tell you I’m HIV positive. I just want to get it out of the way before we go any further.”
“I can help you put the condom on.”